Extraordinary Losers 1 Page 5

  “Hey, Darryl! That is your mother!” Janice blurted out. “Next to mine!”

  On stage, Mum scanned the sea of Brightstars in the hall. She peered in the direction of my class. I looked down, praying she wouldn’t see me.

  All of a sudden, she spoke into the microphone, “Darryl! Darryl! Sophia! Come up and take a photograph with me, quick!” She was jumping with excitement.

  Leonard kicked me from behind. “Go, Darryl! Your mummy’s calling you!”

  I had to go. My mum wouldn’t have stopped calling.

  Quickly, I raced up the steps. The whole school was laughing. My mother received me with wide open arms and pouting lips. Then, we were locked in an embrace for what seemed like eternity! Of course, she did all the embracing. I just stood there, red as beetroot.

  Sophia was nowhere to be seen. She was probably hiding in the toilet or something. Mum was utterly thrilled to have her picture taken with me on stage. Cameras flashed from all over. Why me?

  As I left the stage, the unmistakable “BA…DE… DUM… DUM!” started.

  I took out my secret ear plugs from my pocket to drown out the noise. The ear wax that I had cleaned off yesterday needed about a week to build up.

  Several other mothers were on stage. Janice’s mother was on stage too! They had formed little groups and signed up for hip-hop dancing lessons at the community club. Too much hanging out at parent-teachers meetings did not do them and us any good.

  “Mummy’s boy!”

  “Darryl loves his mummy.”

  “Hugsy wugsy, Darryl!”

  Even with my ear plugs, I could hear the taunts coming from all directions. As I headed back to my class, I caught sight of something. Justin. He was rather quiet, fiddling with something in his hand. He looked around warily. Then he saw me looking at him. In a panic, he dropped his water bottle onto the wooden floor and it rolled away. He scrambled to retrieve it. It looked like a used soft drink bottle to me. Just before I could zoom in on the object, Leonard’s spiky head got in the way. His hairdo was so tall that it blocked my view. What was worse, he was headbanging to the music!

  Justin caught my stare. He quickly lodged the bottle deep into his bag. I must have a look at that later. What was so special about that bottle? On stage, Mum and the other rocker mothers were still there, executing their steps. Mum was kicking the air and twirling in circles in her Super Mum outfit. Frankly, I had never seen her so electrified before! Then, the clock finally struck 10 am! Show time!

  “Er, Miss Jacobs?” I raised my hand. “I am having a really bad tummy ache, may I be excused?”

  She could not hear me amid the peals of laughter. I had to awkwardly point to my stomach and then my butt. She finally understood, after seeing me point five times!

  “Oh! Sure!” she said, laughing. “Hurry up, so you won’t miss your mum’s performance.”

  “Thanks!” I said, clutching my tummy. With that, I left the overcrowded school hall, away from the sweaty children and the hip-hop dancers, though I was sure I would be shown a video of it over and over again.

  I slunk to the 5B classroom. Someone hadn’t switched off the fan and it was churning up an eerie “I know you are here” echo. Fear told me to tiptoe. Footsteps could be heard. My heart thumped a little faster. Taking cover behind a bookcase, I studied the sounds more. Some light, some heavy, and some… bouncy.

  “You’re really here! No?”

  “BOOOO!!”

  “Ssshhh!” I frowned. “You want us to get killed? Please be silent!”

  “Mundi, do you know how much time I spent decoding your secret message on the board?”

  “For me, it was okay,” Clandestino boasted. “I got it in five minutes.”

  “Yeah, me too,” Janice said. “You’re a genius, Mundi!”

  Mundi was surprised. “No. No. No, Darryl! How hard can it be? It is just comparing the numbers against the alphabetical order. No?”

  “1 is A, 2 is B, 3 is C…” He blinked hard whenever he uttered a number. It was as though his eyes and his brain worked together.

  Clandestino broke in, “Okay, okay, Mundi. We get it.”

  The note read: (14-1)+(2+3)+(7-2)+(10+10) X (4-3)+(34-14) X (9-6)+(17-5)+(8-7)+(27-8)+(12+7) X (5) (1+1) X (18+2)+(8-3)+(30-16) X (1)(13) X (19-15)+(2-1)+(7+7)+(21-18)+(10-5)

  It translated into: Meet at class 5B, 10am, dance.

  “Easy, no?” Mundi added. “Really, no one looks at the Guitar Club notice board.”

  “What a lame CCA,” Clandestino said. His definition of “lame” was legitimate. He was a table-tennis champion, but because he didn’t do well in school, his parents had taken him out from his CCA. I can’t imagine how many medals he must have kissed. The only medal I have ever won was in kindergarten for Best Dancer. That is a medal I definitely wouldn’t want showcased.

  “Precisely! The lamer the better,” I said. “No one bothers to view anything on it. How did you know I wanted to meet on Friday, Mundi?”

  “This is our only chance, Darryl, no?” Mundi replied as he shifted his spectacles in place.

  “Yeah, this is our only chance!” Janice broke in. “We’d better start!”

  “Yes, good thinking. Let’s look around, especially around Justin’s table.”

  Everyone began.

  “I am sure they are hiding something. Positively, affirmatively sure,” I said. “Clandestino! Do you see any used bottle?”

  “No.”

  “I saw Justin fiddling with one in the school hall just now.”

  “Try and look around their desks to see if they have carved any formulas and notes on them,” Janice commanded.

  “Nope. I don’t see anything.” Clandestino sighed.

  The four of us got on our hands and knees. It was a pitiful sight, us crouching around tables. I studied every thing the morning sun fell on. As we nosed around for clues, my eyes landed on a pair of adult shoes by a table.

  That’s strange. What’s a pair of ladies shoes doing here, attached to a pair of legs? And…

  “WHAT ARE THE FOUR OF YOU DOING HERE?” a voice blustered. We all looked up. Madam Siti! Our Science teacher!

  Why didn’t I hear her coming? I wondered. Oh yes, the ear plugs were still in my ears!

  Madam See-Me-After-School Siti was one of the fiercest teachers in school, especially if children were up to nonsense. Rumour had it that Madam Siti was dying to get married and have children of her own, but she hadn’t found her Mr Right yet. So she randomly sought out kids to squeeze their cheeks! Okay, I wished I could help her with her outfit! She should let her hair down too, and not tie it up into a greasy bundle. Take it from me, I’m a guy!

  “We were just, just…” Clandestino sniffled. His nose began to run. I elbowed him.

  “Just what? Just stealing something?” Madam Siti said.

  “No!!” we chorused.

  “Then, what are you all doing here when the rest of the school, all 1,000 of them, are in the school hall?”

  We could not say. Mr Grosse had made it clear that this was a top secret operation. If anyone found out about it, it would be the end. But I had to say something.

  “We were just looking for something that I lost.”

  “All three of you were helping Darryl?” She grimaced.

  “You too?” Madam Siti pointed at Janice, an unlikely ally.

  “Yes, yes,” Janice said with shifty eyes. “We were not stealing. You can search us.”

  “Of all people, you, Janice! You are the monitress of the class, and you are caught fooling around?!”

  “But I have a very good reason,” she said.

  “Well?!”

  “Well, I, er…”

  “Go on!” Madam Siti persisted. She frowned, her face crumpled. Her thick layer of powder and cream cracked. Because she had blotchy patches on her skin, it made her look like a very, very, very angry and unappetising prata.

  Janice looked at all of us. Mundi was trembling so hard that he started to snow powder (literally).<
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  I looked down, wishing that there was an underground bunker, somewhere.

  All of a sudden, there was a…

  “Haa-haa-haa-haa haaaaaaaaaaa… ” (a long pause) then, “CHOOOOOOOOO!”

  It was so dramatic that we saw everything in full view. The deep breath, the chest expansion, the head tilt and finally Clandestino’s red nose with all its cascading contents. To conclude his dramatic interlude, he gave the loudest snort.

  EEEW!

  Madam Siti’s eyes rested on all of us. She tasted her cheap toxic lipstick and pondered a while before saying, “GO! Go and wash up, Clandestino and don’t let me catch all of you here again! Oh, and all four of you, DETENTION after the school concert. One hour. You can accompany me.”

  We cringed a little, but tried to maintain our composure.

  “You are never to be seen loitering in class when no one is around, you hear?” Her face cracked more. “Now out of my sight!”

  We were about to take off as fast as we could, when she said, “Wait! Wait! Here’s an extra punishment!”

  She lined us all up and gave each of us a nasty pinch on our cheeks.

  “That is for being naughty!” she explained. “NOW GO!”

  We stampeded away. I could see her shadow still looming over us as we ran as fast as we could.

  “Phew! That was close!” Clandestino whispered. “I did that on purpose, you know. The whole nose thing.”

  “Okay, okay. We believe you,” Mundi said.

  “Thanks!” Janice smiled, handing him a tissue.

  “We were this close!” I added. “You should have done it sooner!”

  He swiped his nose with the tissue before saying, “I couldn’t! It took time to build up.”

  The four of us cracked up in laughter. We were great as a team! When Madam’s Siti’s overpowering perfume was undetectable, Mundi signalled, “Psst!”

  We all turned to him. He slid out something from his pocket. It was a pen and an eraser.

  “So?” I said.

  “This isn’t mine. No?” His eyelids fluttered. “But it will keep us busy enough during detention.” He smiled and slid the pen back into his pocket. Could this be our very first piece of evidence? We were psyched!

  We ran back to take our places in the school hall. Thankfully, my mother was no longer to be seen gyrating on stage. The showcase of talent had finally ended.

  After the concert, all four of us made our way to the detention room. A smelly room. For delinquents to be quarantined, far away from the good kids. Madam Siti walked in. Without a word, she dragged a rusty chair, sending out a nasty screech, and sat down.

  “Do your homework! While everyone is on their way home, all four of you are stuck here. Serves you right for loitering around during a concert. Serves you right.”

  There was nothing to do there but “ponder” our actions. We scratched from the heat of the afternoon sun, our bodies itchy with rashes and hands turning brown from touching the rotting tables.

  A wasp was bustling about below Janice’s table. Then, Madam Siti left, promising she would return.

  All four of us scrambled to Mundi.

  “Hey, show us your spoils, bro!”

  “Wait, calm down. No?”

  “There’s no time for that,” Janice jumped in. “Quick! Before the wasp starts to attack me.”

  Mundi looked around cautiously. Many things were at stake. His scholarship from India to study in a school in Singapore. His title as Best Student of 5B.

  Then he unwrapped his fingers. A pen and an eraser.

  “So? What is so special about this?” Clandestino sniffed. A nasal drop gravitated towards the pen.

  “It looks ordinary to me,” Janice said, tussling with us for the evidence.

  “Stop it, guys!” I said.

  Mundi focused his deep-set eyes on the eraser. His long eyelashes fluttered faster and faster, as if he was on to something.

  “Why do you have a scar on your hand, bro?” Clandestino asked. He was very distracted.

  “It’s no-no-nothing, no? D-d-d-don’t wo-worry,” Mundi replied. “It’s a lo-lo-long time ago.”

  “It looks fresh to me,” Janice added.

  “Rea-rea-really nothing,” Mundi stammered. His face took on a strange pallor.

  It seemed like Mundi didn’t want to talk about it. Time of infliction: Recent.

  He sighed, then he looked at the specimens in his hand. Finally, he slid out the eraser’s jacket gingerly. Our eyes widened as it revealed minuscule numbers and letters.

  “Wow! These are… These are math formulas!” I gasped.

  “Whose eraser is this?” Janice asked, carefully sniffing the eraser. It was one of those strawberry scented ones. “It smells like a girl’s.”

  “Does it?” Mundi scratched his head. “My hair smells like that and I’m not a girl. No?”

  “Check the handwriting!” Clandestino said.

  We took turns peering at it.

  “The handwriting’s too small,” I said. “Seriously, Mundi, where did you find it?”

  “I found it under a desk, no?” he said.

  “Which desk?” I persisted.

  “Let me see,” Mundi thought for a while. “I think it was a desk near Justin and Leonard, no?”

  Clandestino was growing impatient. “Which desk?”

  “It was one of those at the back. No? But I can’t be sure, as things were happening so quickly.”

  While they were helping Mundi to recall, I noticed a slit on the pen. “Look at what this fellow did to his pen.”

  Everyone put their heads together again. I was careful not to let my hair meet theirs for I could see little white specks on them. (Just to be safe.)

  “Hey, what a genius!” I said.

  There was a small slit on the pen cover. To the untrained eye, it was just an old cheap pen. But to a sleuth like me, it was the perfect illusion!

  “Spin the pen a little, pull out the white part,” I said to Clandestino.

  “Yeah, quick pull,” Janice said, dancing around in excitement.

  Clandestino was tasked with the job since he had the smallest, most delicate hands – not to mention gooey uncut fingernails which was the perfect tool we needed for an investigation like this. He sandwiched the paper between his sticky nails and pulled. Out came a piece of paper about 3cm long, a scroll that brimmed with all kinds of definitions and formulas.

  “Whoa!” we exclaimed in awe. We were almost tempted to keep the cheat pen for ourselves. Janice was half amazed but her sense of justice kicked in.

  She blared, “We have to find the culprit!”

  Clandestino had a light bulb moment. “We can hold it up in class and ask whose it is!”

  “NO! No one would claim these specimens as theirs! Not when it has cheater written all over it,” Janice pointed out.

  “Hey! Stop it, you both. You don’t have to play detective. Actually, I, er… I know who the stationery belongs to,” I said.

  They all turned to me with piercing eyes and chorused a resounding “WHO??”

  CHAPTER 8: SALTY-SWEET TEMPTATIONS

  The next Monday, class 5B was enveloped with sadness when an announcement was made: “Miss Jacobs, your Math teacher, is on leave for two weeks and Madam Siti will be taking over her lessons until further notice.”

  “WHAT?!”

  She was plodding up the stairs. I felt my esophagus tighten a little. Clandestino ran up to me in a frenzy. “Here, these are for later.” He winked. Then he shoved a big orange plastic bag into my bag. It felt heavy and cold.

  “Class, get ready for your mock test on triangles and circles!” Madam Siti yelled the minute she stepped into class.

  “I didn’t bring my calculator to school today.”

  “What?” she bellowed. “You again, Darryl?!”

  I shrugged.

  “Stand behind the class! Don’t you know you have to bring it every day? You’ll have to do your test from behind the class, standing!”
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  “Okay.”

  I stood up. I felt everyone’s eyes on me.

  “Right, boys and girls, get ready,” she said as she gave out the test sheets solemnly. I received mine, which was still hot from Madam Siti’s “printery”.

  Leonard whispered, “Madam Siti and her test paper factory.”

  Skimming through the first question already gave me the jitters. The question read: Find the area of a triangle if its length is 10cm and height is 15cm.

  What?

  It was only the first question and everyone’s stuck-o-meter already registered 9/10. Except Mundi’s. Mundi was scribbling away at full speed. His eyes were blinking: equals, equals, equals.

  Mine were blinking: ? ? ?

  Damien was searching his bag frantically.

  “Madam Siti, I think I have lost my pen and eraser,” he said, panicking.

  “Well, is that my problem? Use another one!” Madam Siti retorted.

  “But it’s important,” he insisted.

  Janice looked up from her desk and spun around. Then she turned to me with her eyes wide open.

  “Damien’s?” she mouthed silently.

  I nodded.

  Madam Siti saw the silent interaction between us. “Janice and Darryl, I am warning you…”

  We continued with our test. My heart felt heavy as I had just betrayed my friend.

  Madam Siti warned, “Those of you who fail this mock test, NO RECESS FOR YOU TOMORROW!”

  From the back of the class, I could see everyone’s reaction to the surprise test. Justin kept fiddling with his bottle and drinking from it. Leonard kept scrubbing his exercise book with an eraser.

  “What are you doing, Leonard? Why do you keep erasing? I said use a pen, not a pencil!” Madam Siti said when she noticed.

  “But, Madam Siti, I… I… I am using a pen,” he said.

  “You are using a pen? Okay, then stop erasing! It’s a waste of time.”

  Wait a minute? An erasable pen? What was Leonard doing with an erasable pen? Nobody ever uses them in school because we prefer to bury our errors under the correction tape. It’s fun, quick and seriously addictive. Maybe the tape manufacturers added a drug that, when inhaled by children, made them hooked on correction tape forever.