Extraordinary Losers 1 Read online

She rolled her eyes and then blared, “I … I … am trying to get you off my back!” Whether Sophia was being entirely honest, partially honest or completely dishonest, only time would tell. Whatever it was, my sister and those dreaded encyclopedias were making themselves useful. Finally.

  On Monday, I was feeling all jazzed up that I had solved a fraction of the riddle. During recess, I sat down on a bench alone to have a sandwich and a packet of milk that Aunty Maryanne had packed into my bag. It definitely branded me as a “loser”. A Primary 5 boy, snacking from his lunchbox. I had my precious book of handwritten poems out and was scribbling away.

  The “leaders” of the class swaggered by.

  “Hey, look at the losers,” Leonard said, sniggering. I heard him, even though I was right at the back of the canteen – the “Loser Corner”, next to the trash bins.

  One table away from me, oblivious to their stares, Mundi was wolfing down the chapati his mother had prepared.

  “Pi equals 3.14159…265358…97932…3846264338.…” Mundi was half muttering, half chomping. Really weird.

  “Cube root of 3375 is 15. Cube root of 1331 is 11. Cube root of… ” he rattled off in his “curly” accent.

  Janice was sitting at the table in front of Mundi, also alone, talking to herself and munching on a creamy strawberry donut. She didn’t sound like herself at all.

  “Class, this is not the time for you to be lackadaisical!” she said, in a man’s voice. Wait a minute, it was Mr Grosse’s voice! Coming out of her mouth! Very bizarre.

  “The losers are so pathetic,” Justin said. A trio of girls were walking behind them, giggling the way girls do. I heard the words “Loser Corner”, “look” and “cute”. Damien was with them too, pretending not to see me. I was about to hurl my sandwich at Justin when I saw Clandestino shuffling up to Mundi.

  “Hi!” he said. He bent his knees like a frog again and sprang up, his butt landing on the table, his bruised legs (from all that scratching) dangling inches from the ground.

  Mundi stopped his mathematical processing.

  Clandestino turned to me.

  “Hi, Darryl!” he spoke nasally. Green mucus blanketed his nostrils so that you could only see two green holes instead of black ones.

  “Oh. Hi,” I said.

  “Join us!” Clandestino said, spinning a pen in his hand.

  Mundi cleared his throat uncomfortably. What was the worst that could happen to me? Get a paper cut from Clandestino? Get a sneezing fit from Mundi’s overwhelming powder? I walked up to the two boys.

  “One, two, three, four, five,” I could hear Mundi counting my footsteps.

  Mundi offered me his chapati.

  “No thanks,” I said.

  “No?” he took a big bite of the soggy flatbread.

  “Er… Why are you always so quiet, Mundi?” I asked.

  “He’s not quiet,” Clandestino said, munching. “I’ve heard him talk many times already.”

  “Really? I don’t think he has ever spoken to any teacher,” I said.

  “That’s because he’s too shy… but if you really get to know him, he’s quite special.”

  Mundi’s large eyes widened. His long eyelashes seemed to be growing while we were discussing his lack of speaking ability. There was a long silence and then…

  “You look like… a … number 88,” Mundi said.

  “Huh?!” I was puzzled. Just then, my ears picked up Mundi’s and Clandestino’s voices. They seemed to be coming from the direction of Janice’s table. I listened hard again.

  “He’s not quiet. You look like… a … number 88.” It was Janice! She was mimicking our conversation! The two boys were unaware.

  I was stunned – by Mundi’s strange declaration and by Janice’s crazy skill. Was this the secret she had been trying to tell me last Friday?

  “What do you mean I look like a number 88?”

  “Two big ears. No?” Mundi said. “And headphones, no?”

  Clandestino burst out in laughter.

  “See, he speaks!” he said. “Just not to teachers.”

  “Yes, I don’t speak to t-t-teachers. They look like sca-sca-sca-scary n-n-n-numbers to m-me,” Mundi stuttered.

  “He is a Math genius!” I gasped.

  “Yes. He sees everything in numbers! And numbers have colours and shapes to him,” Clandestino said.

  “Numbers can be scary?” Janice toddled up to us. We had been too loud. She had heard everything. She looked at the three of us, then took a big bite of her strawberry donut before spewing, “Then what is 58 over 366, Mundi? Does it look scary to you, too?”

  I jumped in surprise. So she DID know about the clue! She HAD received the note too! I looked at Clandestino and Mundi, wondering if they knew what she was blabbering about. Had she just divulged something that was supposed to be a secret? We looked at one another…

  “Hey, we’re supposed to tell no one, remember?” I pointed out.

  “You mean blah blah blah… be there and be square?” Clandestino rolled his eyes. “It is probably some kind of silly joke.”

  Looking bored, he stood up and fished out a grimy pen from his pocket. Then he twirled his pen around his thumb and middle finger with amazing dexterity. Suddenly, he flipped it. It somersaulted towards his foot. With a deft kick, he bounced it high up, caught it with two fingers and continued the spinning tricks with his fingers.

  “You have that clue too?” I asked, my eyes glued to his spinning pen. He was a real Pen Ninja. Everyone was awe-struck at the sight of Clandestino spinning his pen. For a moment, Mundi forgot about his numbers and Janice forgot about her donut.

  “Yeah, what is the big deal? I don’t think it makes any sense.” Clandestino stopped spinning the pen, using it to scratch his neck instead.

  “If we put our heads together, we can decipher the message,” Janice said.

  Mundi began to recite. “You have 58 over 366, no? Since this year has 366 days, the note is telling us that something will happen on the 58th day of 2012, no?”

  Clandestino interjected, “That’s wrong, a year has 365 days.”

  “Not this year,” Mundi explained. “This year – 2012 – is a leap year.”

  We were silenced by his amazing brain.

  “There are 31 days in January. So 58 minus 31 equals 27, no? That means 31 days in January plus 27 days is February 27th, 2012, no?” He had a habit of punctuating his sentences with “no?”.

  Clandestino smiled. “See, he is a Math genius!”

  “Really? 366 days?” Janice asked

  “Are you sure, Mundi?” I checked.

  “He can’t be wrong. Do that birthday thing, Mundi!” Clandestino poked him.

  “What birthday thing?” I asked.

  “When is your birthday, and yours, Janice?” Mundi asked.

  “Mine? The 22nd of February, 2001,” I replied.

  “And mine? The fourth of June, 2001,” Janice said.

  Mundi blinked and blinked his eyes robotically. “Your birthday, Darryl, fell on a Thursday and yours, Janice, fell on a Monday, no?” He wasn’t stammering when he was speaking numbers.

  “Whoa!” we chorused. “Amazing!”

  “It is really true, guys… check your calendars,” Clandestino said.

  Mundi went back to looking down. He was a painfully shy boy.

  “That’s awesome!” Janice said. “But what are we supposed to do with the riddle?”

  “Guys, guys, something is happening on the 27th of February,” I said. “And we have been selected.”

  “Coooooool!” Janice said, doing a weird dance. “But where is the meeting?”

  “It said 2pm, no?” Mundi looked up. “TO meet us there. We are supposed to meet at 2pm on the 27th of February, 2012. No?”

  “Where?” Janice and Clandestino asked at the same time.

  “Jupiter building. The TALLEST building in the school,” I said.

  “Seriously?” Clandestino asked.

  “Yeah, I think so. I will go check it out
by myself now, okay?”

  “You? All by yourself?” Janice was a little worried. “Jupiter building has been abandoned for years. Nobody EVER goes there.”

  Mundi started trembling at the thought of it and began snowing powder. Clandestino leapt off the table.

  “I think I will go with you!” He wanted to help.

  “Thanks, guys, but I am fine. My trusty ears won’t fail me. Clandestino, you stay here and keep a lookout for me. If anyone is following me, just call my name. I will be able to hear you.”

  “That’s right,” Janice said in her all-knowing manner. “Darryl has very good hearing.”

  Trust her to blurt out my secret! I guess there was no harm letting them know…

  “Yeah,” I said. “My ears are so powerful, I can hear anything. Even the lowest whisper.”

  “Oh, that’s why you NEVER clean your ears!” Janice said, finally understanding.

  “That’s right. Ear wax blocks up my ear canal. I hear less if my ears are coated. If my ears were completely clean, even a whisper would sound like a bomb blast to me!”

  “And that’s why you always have your headphones on,” Janice concluded.

  “Okay, Mr Dog Ears, you go ahead, but I will stand guard for you nearby,” Clandestino said.

  Before I left, I warned everyone, “Do not tell anyone about my ears!”

  CHAPTER 5: VOICES IN THE AIR

  Hello! “Can you really hear us?”

  “We are still here!”

  “You’re the only one taking that route now, be careful.”

  I could hear my friends clearly even though I was a distance away. I knew they wanted to test if I could really really hear well.

  Out of nowhere came a much louder voice.

  “Hi, Darryl! How have you been?” Miss Jacobs popped out from behind the stairs.

  “Err, fine,” I said sheepishly. My friends had distracted me so much that I must have missed Miss Jacobs’ footsteps.

  “That’s good. You’re doing well, Darryl.”

  “Yup,” I said awkwardly. I couldn’t decide if I should look at her, stand straight, keep my hands in my pocket or lean against the wall. My mind was in a whirl.

  “Yoohoo!! We are still here!” I could still hear Janice perfectly. Trust them to keep on the lookout!

  “Heh,” I said.

  “See you, Darryl!” She tapped me on the shoulder.

  “Err …” I had to ask her about the note.

  “Yes?”

  “Er… Bye, Miss Jacobs.” I couldn’t get the words out.

  With that, she walked off. I had blown it. It was my first private tête-à-tête with the wonderful Miss Jacobs and all I could say was, “Hi. Okay. Yup. Heh”? Those were ape noises! Darryl, you’re a wimp! Do better next time, I muttered to myself as I continued along.

  Jupiter block – the tallest block – was the most underused block in the whole school, empty as air. The building was very isolated, located right at the other side of the school compound. Faint screams and cheers could be heard from the main cluster of buildings. Plodding up the steps, I thought the building vibrated a little, as if I was awakening it from its long slumber.

  “Go on, Da-Da-Darryl,” Mundi encouraged. That was the last time I heard my friends. As I made my way up, their voices became out of range. It was just me. And me. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. What if this was a trap to lure me to some kidnapper’s hideout or something? My resolve was beginning to crumble.

  Finally, the top. The “tallest” in the riddle would logically mean the highest point in school. I hoped we had deciphered the clue correctly. If not, it would mean I had just climbed up SIX storeys for nothing.

  There were three classrooms. All lined up on one side. Which was it? The old metal tables and chairs stank of rust. I recalled the riddle in my head. “But not the first and not the last” – maybe it meant not the first classroom, and not the last classroom. That would leave me with the classroom in the middle. I took a peek in, wary of any signs of life. To my surprise, there were only eight chairs and four tables that were arranged together to form a square in the centre of the classroom. “Be there and be square!” The riddles were all coming together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Spot on!

  Now all we had to do was wait. Wait two weeks till the 27th of February, 2012.

  When I reached home, I decided to log on to Facebook to check up on my friends. See if anyone else had latched on to the idea of solving this mystery as well. When I entered my page, I received a friend request.

  “Guava has sent you a friend request. Accept or Cancel.”

  “Guava?” Wait a minute, a week ago, Sophia had received a friend request from “Watermelon”. Four days ago, I had received a cryptic note with a symbol of an apple. Was it the same person behind these secret names? Why would anyone have such a boring profile picture anyway. A watermelon? A green guava? I was skeptical but I couldn’t help but click “Accept”.

  Lose out on a friend request? No way. To be a popular kid on Facebook, you needed to have at least 300 friends. I was only at a miserly 75. That would make me the most popular kid in my house! To my surprise, Guava reacted immediately!

  “What are you doing now, Darryl?” Guava wrote on my wall.

  “Nothing much. Anything but homework. Who are you? Clandestino? Janice? Mundi?” I wrote back.

  “You’ll find out in good time,” Guava responded. “I would like to be your very good friend.”

  “How can I be your good friend if I don’t know your real name?”

  With that, Guava logged off. Very peculiar. The only thing I knew about Guava was that he – or was it a she? – was friendly. I had a feeling that Watermelon, Guava and the “apple note” were all somehow connected. In a very dangerous way.

  CHAPTER 6: PANTS ON FIRE

  February 27th finally arrived. It was THE day!

  I walked to school, feeling all jazzed up. It was the first time I felt happy going to school on a Monday! The whole day was a bore for all of us. None of us could concentrate in class. Not even Mundi.

  The dismissal bell finally rang! The four of us met in the canteen after school. It was 1.55pm, just five minutes till THE secret meeting. It was serious. For the first time, Janice wasn’t snacking on a donut. Clandestino kept his pen in his pocket and Mundi stopped reciting math formulas.

  Leonard and Justin were in the basketball court, scoring hoops. Damien was there too, honing his skills. When they saw us in the canteen, Leonard couldn’t resist coming up to us.

  “Hey, Dirty Darryl and his loser gang, what are you guys up to?”

  “Nothing,” I said.

  “Darryl DUUUUUUUUUHH?!!”

  “It’s Darryl De,” I said, glaring at him.

  “Who cares? De or Duh??!! Both sound just as silly,” Justin said, sneering. Damien pursed his lips in silence. He was stifling a laugh.

  “So Darryl Duh, want to play basketball with us?” Leonard said, poking me in the chest.

  “Maybe not today,” I said. “We have something on.”

  “You? Something on? You actually have a life?” Justin said. Leonard doubled over in laughter at his wisecrack.

  “Maybe they are going to loser camp,” Leonard said, cracking up again.

  The four of us stared at the boys in disbelief. Janice did not handle the abuse very well.

  “Watch it, you two!” she warned. She fished out a little black book – Names of the Notorious. Everyone knew that book. It was the book in which she recorded the names of all the people who broke the school rules.

  Leonard frowned. “You seriously think that we’re afraid of you? You are the BIGGEST loser of them all, Janice!”

  Janice held back her tears but I could hear her breaths getting deeper and deeper. I was afraid she was going to explode into little pieces of Janice. Clandestino’s face was becoming as red as a beetroot.

  “Anything wrong, Clandestino?” Leonard said, nudging him. “Nose block making you red?”


  “Ha! Take this!” Justin dribbled the basketball and bounced it off the ground so hard that it went in a direct trajectory towards Mundi’s face. Just before it reached Mundi, Clandestino dived to intercept the ball. He landed on the floor with the basketball spinning on his finger. He rose to his feet.

  “Beat this!” Clandestino was spinning the ball on his finger. It was rotating so fast, it was stirring up the air around him.

  Mundi was still in shock, sputtering equations and numbers.

  “Show-off!” Leonard said, attempting – but failing – to hide his envy of Clandestino’s ball-twirling skills. “Let’s get out of here before Mundi pees in his pants again.”

  Justin snatched his ball from Clandestino. “This is not over, you guys!” he warned. “Let’s settle this. Over a basketball match.”

  “Okay,” I said, pretending to be brave. “When?”

  “In two weeks’ time. The school’s Basketball Challenge!” Justin said. “Anyone can join, even losers.”

  “Yeah! And no backing out. We need losers like you to make us look good,” Leonard added.

  “Really? Deal!” Clandestino offered a handshake. “In two weeks’ time!”

  “Great!” Leonard exclaimed.

  “Oh my goodness! You guys, we will never be able to beat them!” Janice said. She was hyperventilating. “They are in the basketball team. Hello?”

  Justin and Leonard had sickening smirks on their faces.

  “Don’t worry, Janice,” I said.

  Damien bit his lip anxiously.

  “You’d better not chicken out!” Leonard warned.

  “Yeah, you’d better not chicken out!” Justin parroted.

  With that they stomped off unceremoniously.

  Leonard was a shortie. He spiked up his hair with gel to make up for his shortness. Justin was taller. For a Primary 5 student, he was quite tall at 165cm. That was the only reason he was good at basketball – he was simply taller than all of us. Both Damien and Justin followed Leonard everywhere he went, even though he was the shortest.

  “You haven’t seen the real us yet. You have no idea,” I said.

  “Oh n-n-n-no! Are you s-s-serious?” Mundi panicked. “A m-m-m-match in two weeks’ time?”